Relationships hit snags all the time. If you’re in it for the long haul (til death do you part, ah-hem), you can expect some turbulent times. The next time you hit rough waters, try asking yourself these “4 Questions Resilient Couples Ask” put forth by The Huffington Post’s Paula Davis-Laack (link below). Sometimes all it takes is stepping back and pondering things from a new angle. A quote I particularly love:
“Make a conscious effort to remain clear, confident and controlled the next time you get into a disagreement. Greet your partner with a hug and a big smile at the end of the work day. Focus instead on what you can control, influence or leverage.”
Read the four questions here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paula-davislaack/relationship-advice_b_1959223.html
Lots of <3,
Growing old together is a perk of marriage; that is, if you even get to the “old” part. A recent MSNBC.com article, ‘Gray divorce’: Why are more seniors separating? highlights new data that the rate of splits for couples post-50 years old is on the rise. Women are the ones initiating it for the most part. Wonder why? Read more of Dr. Robi Ludwig‘s compelling piece here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/47741830/ns/today-relationships/#.T9KcsoFX-So
Do you believe in a second chance at love at an older age?
Lots of <3,
Here are some Relationship Dos and Don’ts that I just had to share, culled from a recent study published in the Journal of Family Psychology and covered by The Atlantic. The study peered into couples who reported marriage satisfaction in the first four years – and then those whose relationships subsequently dissolved – to glean some keen observations about relationship success.
1. DO find happiness with your own life first! “…having more life satisfaction increased one’s odds for a happy marriage,” the article points out. The writer continues that life satisfaction can also “predict” a happy marriage.
2. DO communicate. This is a common thread throughout almost all of my posts. Proper communication is vital.
3. DON’T blame, invalidate, be pessimistic or discourage. The article states: “…the couples who went on to divorce were more likely to use blame and invalidation in their communication efforts. They were more likely to discourage a spouse from expressing his or her feelings, and to display “inappropriate pessimism.” Husbands who were more verbally aggressive early on were also more likely to be part of couples who went on to divorce later.”
Read the full article here:
Now start practicing!
Lots of <3,
“Then I was handed a load of crack. Barry was very frightened – that kind of messed everything up a bit, really.”
-This one’s kind of laughable. Singer Sinead O’Connor confesses that crack may have broken the camel’s back in her 18-day marriage to drugs counselor Barry Herridge. Maybe just “a bit.” Go figure!
So the marriage rate is tanking – only 51 percent of Americans have tied the knot. And there was an especially steep decline between 2009 and 2010. And the average age of people getting married is ticking upward (now it’s 28 for men; 26 for women). You can find all of the details in this Pew report and wallow if you’re a marriage enthusiast: http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/12/14/barely-half-of-u-s-adults-are-married-a-record-low/
The results surely struck a chord. Many new outlets jumped on coverage, including Men’s Health, which recently published this article featuring a marriage checklist in light of shaky couples terrain we now empirically all walk on. It begs the question: Should we be fine-tuning our “marriage checklist”? What’s on yours? The mag culled advice from Renee Piane, author of Love Mechanics and Get Ready for Love. Piane says that your checklist should assess Your Career Paths (goals and where you want to end up), Your 10-Year Plan (where you stand on raising a family), Your Religious Views (how will you raise your kids?), Your Financial Goals (suss out how you want to save, what bank accounts you’ll share/separate), and Your Lifestyle (observing how you act and interact and your ideals for the future).
The article addresses that many couples shy away from the big commitment because they are fearful of divorce.
Does this data affect how you see marriage at all?
Lots of <3,